Once Upon A Time…

growing_upOnce upon a time, there was a 10 month old baby boy who took his first assisted steps up and down the aisle of a church during Vacation Bible School week. The hands he held were those of a sweet little girl who would grow up to be one of his favorite baby sitters, as his mother was busy teaching music to the other children.

Once upon a time, there was a not quite 3 year old boy, who splashed in the water left over from VBS games along side the other toddlers of the church and left a permanent dent in his forehead when he collided with a pew.

Once upon a time there was a not quite 4 year old boy who finally got to be with the “big kids” during VBS. He decided he was “too hot” during a music performance for family, and started to strip naked in front of everybody. All while his mother looked on helplessly since she was in the midst of directing the musical efforts of all the other children.

Once upon a time, there was a preschooler, who grew to become a young elementary aged boy. This was a boy who loved VBS and looked forward to the week every year. This was a boy who excitedly waited for the day his parents would add the latest round of VBS music to his iPod.

Once upon a time there was a 9 year old boy, who still loved VBS, but no longer loved being around people. He spent all day every day begging his mother to let him leave, but his mother was in charge and so he was “stuck”.

And now there is no more once upon a time.

Now we are in the here and now. Now there is an almost 11 year old, teetering between childhood and adolescence. Now we are in our current reality, where so many safe places, and loved activities have been stolen and buried under the weight of anxiety, panic & depression. Now we are halfway through a summer where that boy has only been able to attend one week of day camp, because the world is still more than the can handle most days. And now we are halfway through VBS week.

We’re halfway through VBS week, and my son has been there as a helper every day. Three days in and he’s doing great. He’s not the best helper ever, but he’s doing the best he can and the adult he is helping understands his situation and is doing everything she can to help him have a successful week. He is doing such a good job of avoiding the large crowds of kids and adults at the opening and closing times, that one adult I spoke to today didn’t even realize he’d been there all week. But he’s there, and he’s enjoying being there.

I am confident that as recently as two weeks ago, he would not have been managing as well as he is this week. With every day that passes, I am beginning to see that the current combination of medications may actually be doing the job they are supposed to be doing. The hard edges are softer and the things that trigger him are fewer. I have seen glimpses of joy, and laughter, and peace in my boy this week. I have seen glimpses of that that boy who once loved VBS more than any kid I have ever met.

Once upon a time there was a boy who grew up in a church, and loved everything and everybody inside that building. Once upon another time, the darkness of anxiety, panic, and depression made that church and it’s people feel unsafe to that boy. Once upon another time, with the help of his family, that boy fought back and reclaimed the joy the church once gave him. I know we’re not anywhere close to a happily ever after, but seeing my son smile again as I work through VBS has been an amazing blessing.

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2 thoughts on “Once Upon A Time…

  1. Pingback: Love, Faith, and Anxiety – We're All A Little Broken

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