Friday, April 3, 2020…1:13pm
The end of week 3.
The week saw several lows – the announcement that distance learning is in effect “until further notice”, bandwidth stretched to it’s max as we all need to be online at the same time for school & work and the realization from the kids that many things they have been looking forward to will likely be cancelled. There were also some great highs – new ways to connect with friends and family both near and far (so much Zoom time but also social distancing happy hour with neighbors on our front corner), laughter and joy as we began binge watching Glee from the beginning as a family, lots of sunshine, and an early start to “Spring Break” for the kids as the school district transitions to distance learning 2.0.
In a bizarre and backward kind of way, I have actually been more connected to more people in the time at home than I generally am in “real life”. And there are days when I wish all of the renewed virtual connectedness would just chill out. Both/And. I find myself wanting both both deep connection, and measurable alone time.
I am beginning to think that when I look back on this strange time, it will be a feeling of Both/And that will be the lasting memory. This is uncharted territory, with no defined ending and part of the beauty in that is the fact that we can all give ourselves permission to feel all the feels as long we are also giving everybody around us the permission to feel all the feels.
I’ve realized this week that…
- I am BOTH sustained by the virtual connections with loved ones AND exhausted by my new “social life”
- I am BOTH deeply grateful for the health of my family AND deeply disappointed at the things we have or will lose
- I am BOTH enjoying spending more time with my husband and kids AND wish they would all learn how to pick up after themselves or temporarily lose their voices
- I am BOTH hopeful we will all get through this AND frightened by the possibility that somebody I love will be taken by the virus
- I am BOTH inspired by the goodness I have seen in people AND devastated by the selfishness an urge for self preservation has brought out in other people
- I am BOTH aware of how lucky we are to own our home, be able to work our jobs from home, give our kids the resources they need to do school from home, and have savings in the bank AND wish our home was big enough for me to carve out a space for myself
- I am BOTH optimistic AND worry that this time in isolation will have long term psychological effects on my kids
- I am BOTH willing to do whatever I can to be a source of help and support for other people AND know that my emotional and physical reserves are running low
There is a philosophy of grace inherent in Both/And. Grace for myself. Grace for others. It’s BOTH how I tend to see the world even when we aren’t living through a global pandemic AND the permission I think we all need right now.
What are your Both/And realities right now?
Be well my friends.