Friday, April 17, 2020…1:18pm
The end of week 5. Remember when we were mostly & blissfully ignorant about how long this time at home would actually be? The good old days…
Coming off an exceptionally challenging time last week , I spent much of this week running on fumes. If you’d asked me at any point during the week how I was doing, the initial answer would have been “I’m exhausted” with a follow up ranging from “…but things are mostly okay.” to “…and if I don’t get some time for myself pretty soon I may snap.” But mostly, I’m exhausted.
It could be the near delirium of my exhausted brain, or it could be the fact that we watched the movie Yesterday this week (it’s a good one – interesting story, great acting, full of Beatle’s music….two thumbs up from all of us)….but all week I’ve been hearing “Here comes the sun (doo doo doo doo). Here comes the sun and I say. It’s alright”
I’m not just hearing the song when the sun is actually rising or breaking through clouds, although that has been the case on my early morning jaunts around the neighborhood. I’m also hearing it when things are going truly well and there is peace in the house (which didn’t happen often this week), or when I’ve seen something beautiful (roses, wildflowers, butterflies) or when I’ve felt connected to loved ones outside of my home (laughter on Zoom calls, quick check in phone calls, sweet text messages, gifts left on our porch). Here comes the sun…there is light even in the midst of darkness.
It’s easy to see how my brain would connect those lovely moments to the refrain of the song, but it’s also connecting some troubling and problematic moments to the same refrain. Epic meltdown from man-child, tears of frustration from the girl, stupid argument with my husband, man-child’s psychiatrist warning us that we have probably not yet seen the worst days the man-child will experience…Here comes the sun, eventually.
I’ve decided this is a little subliminal trick that I am playing on myself. It’s a reminder to not let go of hope even when it would be so easy to let of right now. It’s a reminder that this too shall pass. The sun keeps rising and we’re all one day closer to whatever comes next. We’re all exhausted and there is still so much unknown, but eventually this will be a memory. It’s not alright yet, but the possibility is real. Here comes the sun…eventually.
Be well my friends.