Saturday, July 4, 2020…9:24am
Happy Birthday USA – for whatever that’s worth. Week 16 ended yesterday. I missed my weekly writing date with my laptop because my husband and I headed for the local mountains in search of some space not occupied by other people. We were marginally successful. We had to drive a couple of hours and hike straight up a mountain, but we did find some space where a lack of other people meant we could feel good about taking off our masks and enjoying a peaceful view.
I could truly live without the hike straight up a mountain, but the peaceful change of scenery was good for my mental state.
I’d describe my current state of mind as split – part time stir crazy and part time socially conscious. There’s a bit of an internal battle going on all the time – I am aching to DO something and GO somewhere, but I am also hyper aware of the rise in cases in California and want to continue to do everything I can to help minimize the spread of the virus. It’s a conundrum. It’s exhausting. I really kind of hate it.
By this point in a “typical” summer, we would have already done and gone quite a lot – with lots more planned in the weeks ahead. All week I have been staring at the open spaces on my calendar and mentally filling them with places and people. I have mentioned to my husband a series of “what ifs” – things we could probably do safely and places we could probably go for a few days. But none of the what ifs have stuck yet.
My soul wants to be about a million other places. My mind knows we are probably staying local this summer. My current work is to find a way to balance those things and find ways to make the best of it all.
I’m a big fan of using breath prayers to reconnect my soul and my mind when they seem to be taking off in disparate directions. Connecting concrete words and thoughts to the physical sensation of breath helps to center me. I’ve picked up a new breath prayer this week – (Breathe in) It’s just for now. (Breathe out ) It’s not forever. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Today is Independence Day. We’re home. The friends we often spend the day with are (rightly!) not having a gathering this year. Our beaches are closed to limit crowds. The backyard remodel we had planned for spring (in a pre-COVID world where we made plans that were destined to be cancelled) did not happen. I will be spending most of my day in that backyard, with a book. Not ideal. But it could be worse.
(Breathe in) It’s just for now. (Breathe out ) It’s not forever. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Be well my friends.
We're All A Little Broken 